when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
