But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
