I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
