Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
