I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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