Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
