I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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