i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
