i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
