just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
