Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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