There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
