he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
