Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
