you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
