you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
