He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
