So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
