Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
