I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
