You work out of a Hotel?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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