Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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