Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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