Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
