he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
