I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize