i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
