Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
