woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
