honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
