honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
