the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
