You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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