you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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