So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
