I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
two words...techno handjob
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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