My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
