i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So many bounce houses so little time
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
