My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
