can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
