Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
