i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
