Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
