No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
