Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
