i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
