Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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