New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
