I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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