what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
