You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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