Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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