I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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