How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
