Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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