Have you finally orgasmed yet?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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