I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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