may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
