I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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