The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
