You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
