Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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