he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
