four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I party with great urgency now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
