Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
