i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
