my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
