you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
